From @vtgirl_healing blog:

 

March 22, 2021

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Heartbreak, heartache, longing for something you may never have...it all hurts. I was fascinated by the rapid tumbling of emotions I went through during the first couple of months in realizing the relationship I had been in for 12 years was ending, even though I had long sensed its demise.

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An abrupt stop, and a quick learning period unfolded.

I was hit by major disappointment in MYSELF...not for the relationship ending, but for the way I allowed the positive characteristics I have to be tempered or silenced while I was in it. The relationship brought with it a gradual clipping of my wings, and I am grateful for this chance to remind myself how magnificently I can fly. I found a thankfulness that the relationship had died...now I get my own chance to live.

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I, without realizing, had learned how to keep myself from contributing to conversation, both with my ex and around our mutual friends and his family. It was apparent my intelligence was somehow threatening. I found my humor and sense of playfulness frowned upon, as his disapproving sideways glance and lack of engagement told me my energy wasn't appreciated. And my feeling/looking/behaving sexy with him was stifled by his ambivalence, rejection, and seeming lack of interest for the last several years of our relationship. Fortunately, I had other outlets for my need for intelligent and creative conversation, humor, and play through my own friends, family, and career.

But, "sexy" is a positive quality that got a backseat.

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I'm disappointed I stayed for as long as I did, trying to do the right thing and honor my commitment. I'm also regretful that I can't get those years back.

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I can, however, own the lesson.

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Be yourself, in all of your amazing and positive qualities. Live your life to its fullest, and give your energy and time to people that support living a genuine and BIG life. I would rather spend the rest of my life alone than do it any other way again because we only get one go 'round.

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I don't know about you, but this girl is bringing sexy back.

And dancing.

Lots and lots of dancing.